And School Is Back So Soon?

The problem with hanging out with people older than you is that they finish school first. I'm talking about family here and, as the third youngest of seven children - anyone who knows me would know I'm the third child of four, but I see my cousins as an extra three siblings, considering how close we all are - I've been given the honour of watching the majority of our family start their lives outside of school. This isn't so bad, especially in a family where everyone communicates well and helps each other, but once you see them out, enjoying their lives, studying what they want to study, earning money, driving around, living independently and generally just doing new things, you can't really help but feel a little left behind.

To give a little background here:
The two youngest children in our little group (my little brother and my cousin) are both five years younger than me (and half a year apart in age) - it's probably worth noting that my middle cousin and I are also half a year apart in age, while his elder sister is five years older than me. My older brother (the other middle child, as we call him) is only a year older than me, while my eldest brother is three years older than me. This is without including my baby cousins, both born last year, and, coincidentally, half a year apart in age as well.

Being much closer to the older part of our group than the younger part, I've seen my cousins and brothers finishing school without breaking a sweat, and going on to start work and study and actually enjoy their lives.

In contrast we have me: still in school, procrastinating on just about every subject possible, miserable, possibly depressed (so they tell me, though I highly doubt it), extremely frustrated, stubborn, and stressed (this is due to my own personality. I know it. It doesn't change anything), too eager to skip ahead, to get past all this "pointless" stuff and move onto working on something I'll actually find interesting. Now I know high school isn't pointless. One should not shirk their high school education, even if they're heading for a more creative subject! But that's beside the point. The point is that I wanted to get out and move on with my life - I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who feels this - after twelve years in school, in which, half the time, I'm doing something that won't be relevant to my life whatsoever. The process of study, study, study, with hardly a room for breaks, except during school holidays, is probably what a normal person from my school would do. I, on the other hand, sit there dreaming and wishing and wondering when the hell will my life begin? In other words, procrastinating, and longing for the next year and a half to pass by as quickly as possible so I can be doing something that's interesting, rather than sitting around, "studying".

To put it simply, I'm the type of person who starts things but doesn't finish them. I'm the type who loses interest the moment it becomes too much of a hassle to try. No one should ever look up to me. My god, I'm a terrible role model.

The only reason why I bring this up is because the school holidays have ended and we go back tomorrow. In term 1 I realised that I've become increasingly moody as the weeks go by, hating school to the point that I would rather go to the hospital than go back there (a large exaggeration, of course). Every week goes by slowly and weekends are spent wondering where the hell my life is going and how much I've screwed up. As routine as it is, I do drag myself to school every day. My inability to get sick gives me no excuse to stay home. Every Sunday night I agonize over the fact that I have to attend another week of school starting the next day. Mood swings are abundant. Eventually, I end up asleep without having done any homework.

I'd actually be very interested to get my mental state evaluated by a professional, however, I doubt that will ever happen, and this is all probably just me stressing over school or something.

I honestly don't know where this post is going, so I'll stop here. Enjoy your life while I try to think up something else to blog about. :)