Don't Try to Make Sense of This. Seriously.

These past few days I can't help but feel an acute sense of 'loss' in my world. Unfortunately, I don't really know what it is that I've lost. Is it time? It makes sense considering the large amount of things piling up on my to-do-list, as well as all that homework I don't feel like doing (I'm probably the biggest procrastinator you'd ever meet.) There is a certain amount of loneliness that probably appears whenever my brothers leave to go out and have fun while I'm left behind (I blame school for this), but it's pretty normal, so that's probably not it. There's also the whole art/writing block which has been bugging me -- but, really, there's no time for me to focus on anything but the homework I am, evidently, not completing.

I suppose it's very hard to pinpoint these things exactly. I have a mind which focuses on myself, naturally. Apparently the constant battle between morals and self-satisfaction seems to be doing something to my emotional state -- well, frustration is the obvious result.

I went to Borders yesterday. There was a massive sale since they were closing down, but I got there pretty late. It had to be one of the most depressing things I've seen in a while; rows and rows of empty shelves. It didn't help that I didn't even manage to grab a few books at a bargain price, because anything I wanted was gone already. I wasted about ten minutes there, searching vainly for something of value in that small pile of leftover books that nobody wanted. When I left, I left with nothing.

As expensive as they may be, a book is a book, and I love them. Bookstores were among my favourite places to be and I don't go out much. Money saved was used on books. Every time I walked out of a book store (be it Angus and Robertson, Borders, Dymocks or QBD), I knew I could come back with more money and buy another book. Unfortunately, now that my local bookstores have been shut down, I have to search for new ones, or order online (something my dad completely disapproves of). Therefore, it's going to be much harder for me to buy books and I won't be able to browse through my favourite bookstores anymore.

This has been bugging me since yesterday.

Really! With technology developing the way it is, one day electricity will be the most valuable resource to the point where humanity will be completely dependent on it. And when there's a blackout everyone will panic and there will be chaos. I can imagine it right now. Serves you right for getting rid of my bookstores dammit.

Yes, my rambling tends to lead nowhere. Listen to the title of this post and don't try to make sense of this.

Penny #6

"All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once they grow up."

~Pablo Picasso

Picasso is a very quotable person. :)

If you were to compare the me in primary school to the me you see now, you'd probably wonder what went wrong. In primary school I was winning awards, I was at the top of the class, I was so goddamn proud of myself it was ridiculous. Come high school and I'm averaging everything, then the marks got lower and lower and lower. Why? Lack of motivation is one thing. Bad teaching? Possibly. (I am of the opinion that the best teachers are the ones that can give a person the motivation to complete a task and do their best at it) Parents are a big influence obstacle as well, constantly badgering you with negative comments about your subjects and how much you fail at life.You have the choice of trying to please them, or completely ignoring what they say.

In primary school I had a dream. I wanted to write and to draw and paint and do all sorts of ridiculous things -- but not build a spaceship. I never even thought of that. I should build a spaceship.

... Huh. I just went off randomly there...

We got our reports this week. I didn't do so great. The teachers kept going on about how much "potential" I have. You get the idea. I'll leave it at that. Have a nice life. ^^